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This cash-only policy is killing me. It’s cumbersome and inefficient, not to mention risky to have all that cash on hand. I absolutely hate that the cannabis laws have forced dispensaries into this realm.

That being said, since there’s no official record of how much we make, the IRS is just kind of trusting me to declare the income of the business — so like, I can just kinda not.

Most people don’t carry paper currency anymore. Especially in enough quantities to purchase high-end cannabis product. It hurts the business on two fronts: they either don’t have cash so they don’t buy anything, or they do have cash, but then there is a limit to how much they’ll spend so they either spend less than they would have, or just don’t buy anything at all.

On the other hand, when customers do decide to splurge and drop some cash, I can still tell the T-Men they didn’t buy anything and just pocket that money, so there’s that I suppose.

Then there’s the issue of risk. Who wants to have thousands in cash lying around in the store at the end of the shift. What if I get robbed? And what, do I pay the distributor in cash now too? I really just hate this cash-only nonsense so much.

Although, I can claim the distributor charged more than he did and write off extra expenses when I file, since there’s no digital paper trail, so maybe it’s not all bad.

Oh and what if we need to hire a contractor or something? We needed electrical work the other day and you could tell he was not comfortable taking a sack with a giant dollar sign printed on the side filled with thousands of dollars in mixed bills. I lost my electrician because of these dumb laws.

On the other hand, guys like that tend to give discounts for paying in cash, so I guess I came out ahead. And then I can write that expense off on the business’s taxes too, so, sure, fine, I’ll take it.

All of that being said, I spoke to someone at the IRS the other day and it seemed pretty obvious they know all about this stuff, but I gave him a pack of edibles, so it’s all good now.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.