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DENVER, CO — Wyatt Maren, upon running dangerously low on cannabis, attempted to grow more by planting his final bit of product in the grass of his backyard. 

“It’s a plant, so I planted it — that’s how botany works,” stated Maren. “It grew from the ground, it has seeds in it, so I put it back in the ground. That’s the circle of life.”

Maren later punctuated his remarks by simply saying, “Science.”

Botanist Laura Wilks has commented on Maren’s actions through the lens of science, debunking pretty much all of his claims. 

“Not science,” she began. “Not even close. Planting weed in the backyard feels like a thing you think of while mega-baked. Was he mega-baked? He definitely was… though some weed probably did grow there, just not the weed you’re thinking of; the bad kind.”

Despite several botanists, cannabologists, and scientists refuting his claims, Maren maintained his stance by simply reiterating, “Science.”

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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