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Alburquerque, NM – Alarmed by the censorship of cannabis in books at his local library, local Alburquerque man Cedrick Johnson recently took it upon himself to seek out the true history of cannabis use.

Eventually, Johnson’s interest in the history and anthropology of cannabis use led to him “spelunking” across the U.S., exploring its vast variety of underground caves, ever-searching for a clue. Down there, carved into the wall of a long-forgotten cavern, Johnson uncovered the truth: a 1,000-year-old inscription containing an intricate diagram and highly detailed joint recipe.

Archeologists, historians, linguists, and the like all gathered at the site to authenticate and transcribe the message Johnson had discovered. After hundreds of hours spent searching, Johnson had finally discovered the way our ancestors used to smoke.

Through an enormous effort to decode the hieroglyphs, which had been left untouched for countless generations deep in the caverns of New Mexico, experts have revealed the translation to be, roughly: “grind, roll, smoke.”

When asked about what he thought of the message left behind thousands of years ago, Johnson stated with tears in his eyes: “It really is a beautiful thing to know our ancestors enjoyed their nights by sparking a J in much the same way we do, now.”

This article was written by Whe D.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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