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Narragansett, R.I. — With National Panda Day finally upon us, Mark Connor and friends found themselves in a debate over the panda’s bear status, again.
“I’m saying they’re not bears despite them looking like bears, and ‘panda bear’ just sounding right to me, because I feel like in second grade Ms. Barner said they were marsupials,” Connor began explaining. “Not to mention, marsupials use pouches, bears don’t. I don’t know for sure if pandas have pouches for their young but I feel like they probably do, so I’m gonna go with that. Checkmate, Greg.”
The Greg in question, Connor’s friend sitting to his left, Greg Paisley, rebutted by reading directly from Encyclopedia Brittanica where the panda’s taxonomic classification was clearly stated.
“Pandas are bears.”
Despite Paisley reading from an official scientific source, Connor remained skeptical, stating he didn’t trust those scientists, and intended to do his own research.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
