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TEMPE, ARIZONA. — At a recent Tau Eta Sigma party, Logan Marcus shotgunned a THC-infused drink like he would a Naty Light, clearly missing the purpose of the alternate beverage.
“They were trying to make the party mellow and calm, trying to quell the usual raging that happens with alcohol, but that’s just ridiculous,” said Marcus. “We’re a fraternity. This is what we do. You must be balls-to-the-wall baked if you think you’re gonna hand me a can of intoxicating liquid and I won’t immediately shotgun it then play pong with the rest of the rack.”
Frat elder Jake Stanton, though disappointed at the failure of his tactic, was not surprised.
“I get it, it’s Friday night, you did bi/tri super-sets at the gym, took a shower, put on your fanciest cargo shorts and polo, you wanna go rage,” Stanton elaborated while he himself was putting on his fanciest cargo shorts and polo. “I thought it was worth a try, but now that we’re here, hand me that can, I’m getting in on this next shotgun sesh.”
A representative for Buds Light, the THC-infused beverage in question, has confirmed this behavior was to be expected, but not entirely bad.
“They’re totally missing the point of the drink, but still, it’s at least healthier… or less unhealthy?” he stated. “I mean, really, what did everyone think a frat house would do with weed-drinks? At least with weed drinks they won’t like fight each other or go streaking and burn the college down… right?”
Though the group attempted to shotgun more drinks, the THC took effect faster than expected; Marcus and company fell asleep halfway through their frat house pong tournament.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
