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BOISE, Idaho — “Traditional” cannabis dealer Beth Marcus announced today that she’s offering identical back-to-school specials on all product for both students and professors returning to Boise State University for the Fall semester.

“Being in school can be miserable,” Marcus said in between ferrying an ounce of Durban Poison to a student dorm and dropping off pre-rolls for the philosophy department leadership committee. “Also, students are notoriously low on funds, while teachers are notoriously poorly compensated. So in a way, I’m giving back to my community: encouraging learning, praising teachers… all while getting everyone super, super high! After all, if Staples does discount backpacks and notebooks, it’s only fair I do a little discounts, too.” 

Discount packages available include “The Magic School (Canna)Bus,” “CBDetention,” “That’s Dr. Herer To You,” “SAT-iva,” and for law students changing majors, “Should’ve Taken The LSAT-iva Instead.” Marcus later confided that, within four hours of classes being back in session, she’d already surpassed all of her income from the Spring semester.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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