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GRANVILLE, OHIO — Gareth Leighton, amateur astrologist and Zodiac expert, has once again interpreted his daily sign reading to imply he should increase his cannabis consumption immediately.
“My horoscope today read Expanding your horizons is definitely on the agenda today, Aries. Travel, education, creativity – they’re all coming to the forefront of your concerns… that’s just the clearest indication more cannabis smoking will be required,” he began explaining while staring at a poster of a night sky. “What better way to expand horizons than to smoke weed? It’s like the definitive horizon expansion catalyst. When you’re high, your horizons can’t help but be expanded. It’s right in the name too, ‘high’ as in, up on the horizon.”
After nearly falling asleep then making a Hot Pocket, Leighton continued analyzing the daily horoscope reading.
“Travel? Yeah, travel to high-town. Not to mention I traveled to pick up the weed, so, double effective,” he commented. “Education? I learn better high. One time when I smoked I pretended to read an entire book! Creativity? Not only am I more creative high, but I’m even being creative about how I go about getting high — notice I hollowed out a clementine for today’s session. When have you ever seen that?!”
Regardless of the interpretation, it was later noted Leighton isn’t even an Aries, he’s Sagittarius.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.