Are you of legal age to consume cannabis related news?
GUILFORD, Conn. — Your neighbors and childhood friends revealed yesterday that your Dad is casually smoking pot nowadays, as if he never yelled at you about it when you were younger.
“I can’t believe he’s smoking now. Does he not see the irony?” you remarked. “He used to arrest my friends all the time for blazing back when he was a police officer. He once made me eat my entire stash to ‘teach me a lesson,’ which actually made me feel great but was also like eating sad, stale, really expensive broccoli.”
“All of that time chasing sticky-fingered kids around the park was brutal on my back. Who would’ve thought this would be the solution to get me up and running again?” stated a new, much-chiller version of your Dad. “I was complaining to my buddy at the VA that the pain pills my doctor gives me always leave me so groggy, and he asked if I’m ready to ‘live again’ before pulling out a massive doobie. I’ve never been one to use the devil’s lettuce, but that man saved my ass plenty of times back in the war, so I don’t take his advice lightly.”
“My son used to really piss me off when he walked in smelling all skunky,” your Dad added. “Now I just smile, because I know I’m gonna score some dank shit right when he heads out to visit his girlfriend.”
While you’re understandably annoyed, your Dad’s newfound love of cannabis hasn’t surprised everyone.
“My son can be a big hypocrite sometimes,” remarked your 78-year-old grandfather. “He and his friends used to come home from Aerosmith concerts with their eyes as red as the devil’s dick. I’d give him an earful about it, and he always seemed to forget by the next time one of those girly rock bands toured into town. One day, his Mom and I got curious and rolled a couple of joints with his pot, and we had a blast playing rummy on the porch on that shit, so I went easy on him from then on. I’ve been dry for years since he started classes at the police academy. I’m pretty stoked to hear he’s smoking — now the wife and I can get bud just in time for bingo month.”
Reports show you were thinking about cutting your Dad some slack on the issue, until he crossed the line by leaving sticky notes in your room asking if you’d be down to “hit him with his first dab.”
Christopher Charles Jones is a writer and video producer for a variety of international brands and resides in a lovely New England town that is much nicer than where he grew up in Missouri. IG: @Chris_Jones_Creates
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.