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LOS ANGELES — Budtender Patrick Arkon insisted again moments ago that he’s not ignoring you, he’s just “very busy” helping other customers before you, even though you’ve been waiting for almost an hour to speak with him and more recent customers keep getting service before you.
“We always get slammed the night before a holiday, so it seems like I’m ignoring people, but really, I’m just doing like, 40 things at once,” said Arkon, conveniently ignoring the fact that St. Patrick’s Day is not a cannabis-themed holiday and is also weeks away. “It gets crazy — people ask questions, and then I have to answer them, and then they have follow up questions… it’s pretty time consuming. And heaven help us all if I’m posting a duet on TikTok when they need service. Some people get really upset about that. Bartenders must have the patience of Gods.”
“I always appreciate the irony of things getting so heated and stressed while dealing in the very item that will relieve said stress,” Arkon added. “Sometimes I pause what I’m doing and get a nice little laugh out of that.”
However, several customers also waiting in the dispensary with you took your side.
“[Arkon] tried to bolt right past me, but my umbrella has one of those hooked handles, so I just latched onto his forearm,” noted customer Lawrence Spano. “He nearly dragged me into the bathroom with him. I don’t know what he needed to do in there for 40 minutes, but he came out super high and even less engaging, if you can believe that’s possible.”
“Sometimes with these budtenders, you can tell they’re ignoring you because they’re talking to other people, holding a bunch of product, typing things into the point of service computers… you know, all the things a budtender would do for their jobs instead of serving me,” agreed Caitlin Petronko. “Situations like this are absolutely infuriating. Though it’s better than a bar, where you still have to decide whether to tip afterwards. Paying proper retail wages benefits us all, I guess.”
Dispensary manager Tyler Marcus sympathized with your plight, but offered absolutely no help.
“Sorry, who are you?” Marcus interrupted when you told him you’d asked for the manager. “Yes, Arkon is our budtender. He’s who you should ask about different strains of weed, not me. Please excuse me. I’m very busy and I have a delivery coming in that I need to sign for.”
Immediately following your conversation with Marcus, security footage showed him re-entering his office and taking a two-hour nap.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.