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In Denver yesterday, a budtender was hospitalized after he was assaulted by an octogenarian who was planning a privately organized cannabis-infused dinner. The dinner was to be hosted by Seven Points Chapel, a pro-cannabis Christian church.

84-year-old Gladys Knickerbocker was apprehended by Denver Police at the dispensary where the budtender was working. During her arrest, police allege that she claimed innocence while also arguing that the budtender “had it coming.” Due to the extensive nature of the victim’s injuries, Oregano will not be disclosing his identity or the name of the dispensary where he worked.

76-year-old church patron Esther Rose, who was accompanying Ms. Knickerbocker, described the altercation to Oregano reporters, stating, “The poor boy was just trying to let Gladys know which herb to smoke with her meatloaf, but her hearing ain’t so good. When he said ‘White Widow’ she lost her top and walloped him.”

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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