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NEW YORK — Mark Brenner, who began having a ‘bad trip’ while riding the subway, later stated the horrifying never-ending nightmare was actually more pleasant than his regular daily experiences on the train.

“This slimy creature looked me dead in the eyes and threatened to murder my entire family, then said it was going to drink the other passengers’ bloods to absorb their power,” he began describing. “As opposed to my bad LSD trip which was just a couple goblins flying by the window outside.”

“I heard some faint cackling in the distance while tripping, and it was kind of scary,” he added. “But without LSD, I saw the source of the cackling. It’s this guy that rides the subway the same time as me every morning. He has a massive sword and does this thing where it looks like he’s about to slice through your neck but stops at the last second, then laughs in your face. It’s truly horrifying without the LSD to mask it.”

Brenner later described a time he was having a bad trip and felt like he got kicked in the face, stating, “Turns out I actually DID get kicked, by a Showtime Dancer… if I weren’t tripping and could actually feel the full brunt of the strike it probably would’ve landed me in the hospital!”

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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