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Aw, look at this sweet innocent puppy-dog PIG. Getting in my face, flashing his light in my eyes, and patting me down. He thinks I have weed on me. What a doof.

Why would I have the weed with me right now? What am I, gonna smoke it at the place I’m going instead of just smoking at home before I leave? 

*Actually, that’s not a bad idea, I probably should do that.

First of all, bringing weed with you places is just silly because you’re setting yourself up for someone to ask to join and smoke it with you. Waste of weed. Better off smoking at home. Also, why go out at all if you’re smoking? Obviously just stay home and smoke.

On top of that, carrying weed around with you is super dangerous for this exact reason! Cops are trying to catch people, it’s what they do. Best to avoid any potential issue by just not traveling with weed. That way when this dumdum 5-0 tries to bully me, there’s nothing he can do because I don’t have any weed on me—

Oh FUCK I actually do have some weed on me, be cool…

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.