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HOUSTON — Dr. Grant Buchman found himself suddenly very stoned at the most inconvenient time earlier today, as the cannabis-infused brownie he ate more than three years ago finally kicked in, according to the red-eyed surgeon. 

“During my final year of med school, a buddy offered me a weed brownie, and I figured that since I was near the end of my education there, why not give it a shot?” Buchman said out loud to himself while his team continued working on his patient. “He warned me it took some time to feel the effects, but when I didn’t sense anything after a few hours, I thought it was a dud. Anyway, here I am in the middle of my surgical residency, and all of a sudden all I can think about is eating a pile of Cheetos mac & cheese. Let me tell you, I would not want to be the guy I’m cutting open right now.”

Residency Director Dr. Lauren Chang noticed the change in Buchman as well. 

“He suddenly got really weirdly aware of the texture of this man’s organs, and then started waxing poetic about how, ‘Woah, all that stuff is inside us too, man,’ before tagging me in to finish this hepatectomy,” Chang said, wrist deep in her patient. “He’s been staring at the liver tumor we removed ever since. Yes, it was horrible timing, but I’m glad to see he’s still curious. That’s a good quality to have in a doctor.”

After finally coming down moments ago, Buchman worriedly remembered that he actually ate the brownie in two pieces, three hours apart. 

Stephen Bell is a comedy writer for The Hard Times, Oregano, and JumpKick but is more accurately some science dork working as a lab technician. Instagram:

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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