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RUTHERFORD, N.J. — Mark Tran, after recently consuming cannabis with his parents, was treated to the shocking tale of his own conception despite several protests.
“I tried plugging my ears and shouting and running away but my dad was like, ‘no no no, you need to hear this one other part,’” Tran began explaining. “It was quite possibly the worst 4 hours of my life… yes the story took 4 hours to tell.”
Tran’s parents, Martha and Jay, were giddy at the thought of sharing such an important and beautiful moment in their lives.
“The abridged version is we were on that old Batman and Robin roller coaster at Six Flags, and the ride got stuck upsidedown, so we figured, ‘hey, why not?’, then nine months later, Mark was born,” Martha commented.
Jay then continued, “We thought he would like the anecdote that we hadn’t actually met yet and it was an Eyes Wide Shut style get-together but instead of doing the party at a house we did it at an amusement park.”
“I always found the fact that the entire row of the ride was involved to be a beautiful aspect to the story, but Mark didn’t seem to agree,” Martha added.
Upon hearing the words, “Now your little sister’s conception, now that one is actually shocking!” Mark ate a handful of peanuts to activate his fatal allergy so his parents would have to stop speaking and take him to the hospital.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
