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HUMBOLDT COUNTY, Calif. — A modest-sized Sour Diesel male celebrated Father’s Day early today by receiving a tie-down from its caretaker.

“This particular male pollinated the rest of the crop, so it’s established itself as the dad of the farm,” said grower Mary Park. “And what is the number one thing dads love to get for Father’s Day? Ties! But also, these leaves were drooping a little and needed better light. We implement LST pretty often.”

She also added, “Oh, what am I doing for my actual dad? I’m giving him this tied-down Sour Diesel. It won’t produce any flowers, but it’s symbolic as a kind of circle-of-life type situation, right?”

When reached for comment, the Sour Diesel plant said, “It’s not so much the tying down itself. It’s that she’s doing it out of love,” as a tiny droplet of salt water emanated from a pore on his stamen. “It’s the sentimental value of receiving a tie-down on Father’s Day!”

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

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