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NEW YORK — Host of the popular YouTube series “Hot Ones” Sean Evans admitted today that despite being known as the guy who weekly consumes spicy chicken wings coated in “10 flavors of culinary lava,” he isn’t as into eating still-burning cannabis joints as fans of the show seem to think. 

“Hey everybody, I’m Sean Evans for ‘First We Feast,’ and today I’m asking you to stop trying to shove lit roaches down my throat,” said Evans from his combination desk and commode. “For the last time, it’s not the same thing. Yes, I enjoy a bowl while I’m researching Bella Poarch’s elementary school records, and I enjoy trying to melt my teeth with hot sauce. Neither means that I want to use my tongue as an ashtray for pre-rolls.”

“Maybe it’s not surprising that so many Spice Lords conflate the two burns,” he later added. “If they’re spending their time watching what’s basically Celebrity Mouth Jackass, they’re probably not finishing that G.E.D.”

To avoid any future problems with spicy stoners, Evans has taken to traveling with a retinue of bodyguards armed with Super Soakers and a limited-time Smoky Yellow Scorpion pepper spray, now available from Heatonist.  

Kyle Stanley hasn’t been on the show, but his mom has definitely asked him to explain that gram. @KGordonStanley on Twitter.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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