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LOS ANGELES, CA – Comedian and actor Eric Andre has announced a new partnership with the cannabis brand WeedCorp, leveraging Andre’s celebrity status to promote a new line of cannabis-infused ranch dressing under the brand name LEGALIZE Ranch.
Focusing on the niche market of stockbrokers and finance workers who happen to be on lunch break, LEGALIZE Ranch will hit dispensary shelves in June 2022. With an initial appearance in the California market, Andre and his partners at WeedCorp plan to follow up the California launch in other markets, with licensing deals in place for New York, Colorado, Washington, Nevada, and Oregon.
“I’m all about multi-tasking. Everybody thought my Ranch Nation sketches were just about comedy… well, actually, I’ve been conducting market research for my next venture,” Andre said in an interview with Oregano. “I wasn’t just trolling investment banker douchebags, I was gauging how receptive my ideal consumers would be to experimenting with new lifestyles and relaxation methodologies. With LEGALIZE Ranch, my goal is for every boring-ass suit on Wall Street to be replaced by a neon thong and a hoverboard.”
Andre’s friend and collaborator Hannibal Buress is also an investor in the project. When reached for comment, Buress said “I know everybody’s probably thinking this is just another celebrity cash grab. And I want to say to those people: is it, though? Do you really think people are going to buy infused ranch dressing, you maniac? No, I’m purely investing for the pleasure of watching Eric put more of his time into this ridiculous endeavor while I keep stacking up career achievements.”
Legal representatives for popular ranch dressing brand Hidden Valley released a statement following Andre’s announcement, citing “concerns” that the packaging on Andre’s new product line was “derivative” of their well-established branding and could lead to confusion among their consumer base.
When asked about the statement from Hidden Valley, Andre said, “hell yes there will be confusion,” before he abruptly sprinted out of the room shouting: “TIME TO DELIVER A PIZZA-BALL!”
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.