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LOS ANGELES — In an homage to his older brother John, actor Jim Belushi plans to smoke a footlong joint in one drag in a cannabis-themed sequel to the 1978 hit comedy “Animal House.”
“We’re reinventing the wheel a little bit here — instead of going up against a crusty old dean cracking down on kids enjoying themselves, my character is trying to teach a group of new freshmen who had their minds brainwashed by the DARE program how to have fun. It’s a sequel to a classic, after all,” said an excited Belushi. “Ironically, though, in order to pull off the footlong joint stunt, I’ve been spending all my time exercising and trying to expand my lungs as much as possible: climbing mountains where the air is thin to deal with potential lightheadedness, doing yoga to practice my breathing, and running 13 miles a day. I’m in the best shape of my life!”
Thankfully, Belushi isn’t letting all of his training distract him from fine-tuning the comedy of the film.
“I don’t want to give too much away,” Belushi said, “but in that particular scene, the feds bust into the frat house and try to confiscate our trophy made out of marijuana that we won for beating those jerks over at Kappa Beta Kappa in the Ganjalympics, so I roll it into a massive footlong joint and blow a fat cloud to mask our escape. Those DEA agents get totally hotboxed though and come to realize they’re just tools of fascist oppression, so they quit their jobs to follow the Dead and Company on tour. I then sleep with Mrs. Dean Wormer Jr., and we ride off into the sunset. It’s going to be lit.”
According to the studio, “Animal House 2” will be coming to theaters eventually, but only after director James Cameron wraps up the shooting for “Avatar 5.”
Stephen Bell is a comedy writer for The Hard Times, Oregano, and JumpKick but is more accurately some science dork working as a lab technician. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stebbenwolfe/
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.