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Whoopi Goldberg joined the cast of “The View” as the show’s “moderator” in 2007 and has been vocal about using cannabis to treat her glaucoma since day one. Coming on for season 10 meant she never worked with the show’s initial co-hosts Lisa Ling, Meredith Vieira, Star Jones, and Debbie Matenopolis. But lucky for us, there were plenty of annoying personalities throughout the years to inspire daytime TV’s best arguments and eye rolls fit for an EGOT winner.
The co-hosts have traditionally been a mix of outspoken women with backgrounds in law and journalism, seated next to comedians and former child stars who range from conservative to liberal politically and limited to one conservative at the table at a time — that’s all Whoopi can deal with before 9 a.m. One thing’s for sure: Whoopi sparked more than conversations to keep calm and carry on with all those co-workers and strong personalities over the years.
What cannabis did Whoopi reach for to go head-to-head with these ladies? After conducting extensive interviews with those close to her, a definitive list emerged, ranking each co-host by strain and method of ingestion.
- Barbara Walters – She’s the boss
Strain: Presidential OG (Indica)
Method: Pre-packaged with filter
- Joy Behar – She’s never leaving
Strain: Red-Headed Stranger (Sativa)
- Rosie O’Donnell – Betty from “The Flintstones”
Strain: Fruity Pebbles (Hybrid)
- Elizabeth Hasselbeck – Right-wing “Survivor” contestant
Strain: Island Sweet Skunk (Sativa)
Method: Coconut Bong
- Sherri Shepherd – Played Angie from “30 Rock” concurrently
Strain: Berry White (Indica)
Method: Vape Pen
- Nicolle Wallace – Landed her own show on MSNBC
Strain: Obama Kush (Indica)
Method: chocolate-covered coffee beans
- Jenny McCarthy – Former Playboy Bunny
Strain: Dirty Girl (Sativa)
- Rosie Perez – A voice that can cut glass
Strain: Green Crack (Sativa)
Method: Cannabutter on a bagel
- Raven-Symoné – Been in the biz since she was four
Strain: LA Confidential (Indica)
- Candace Cameron Bure – Owes her career to twin babies
Strain: Double Dream (Hybrid)
Method: Double-chamber bong
- Meghan McCain – Sarah Palin cost her dad the White House
Strain: Alaskan Thunder Fuck (Sativa)
Method: Glass pipe
- Sunny Hostin – Legal Expert
Strain: 9 Pound Hammer (Indica)
Purists will note there were a few more co-hosts, but thankfully for Whoopi, they weren’t around long enough to cultivate their own strain.
Paulina Combow is a writer and stand-up comedian. She contributes to Reductress and Ladyspike Media and has had funny essays published in The Washington Post. Find her at paulinacombow.me
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.