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When recently asked to distinguish between the effects of indica and sativa cannabis products, Jason Barnaby leaned forward excitedly, eager to impart his knowledge and life experiences to the ignorant masses.

“Well you see, sativa is more of a cerebral, heady, energized sort of high,” he said, his eyes starting to glaze over slightly with a thin, reflective film.

“It’s really a cerebral experience like no other,” he stated again, as he had thousands of times before. His eyes started to glaze over even more as the word “cerebral” was spouted from his lips numerous times further.

It is reported that the words “headspace” and “energized” were also repeatedly dropped before the heightened consciousness kicked in and he slipped into a coma.

Jason’s brother Aaron Barnaby agreed to be interviewed:

“I feel bad that he’s in a coma and all, but it is relieving not having to constantly hear the word ‘cerebral’ all the time,” Aaron said. “Jason doesn’t even know what that word means — he came back from a dispensary once and started saying it relentlessly. Since he started using that word, we’ve drifted away from each other, and it wasn’t long before he started doing back-alley weed strain breakdowns for strangers on the fly. I figured it would only be a matter of time before something more serious happened to him.”

We regret to report that our news team recently heard that Jason had passed away. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family.

When asked for comment mid-service at the funeral, Jason’s mother responded, “Please respect our privacy.”

Jack Delamater is a musician, business owner, writer, and goofball living in Los Angeles, CA — follow Jack on Spotify.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.