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By all indications, Florida Man Jim Pritchett is one of the worst human beings ever to exist but despite that, he has proven to be a pretty awesome dude to smoke weed with.
He was telling me this story about when he mistook an alligator for his body pillow. Woke up missing an arm, still went to work the next day. Then, he didn’t even replace his arm with a prosthetic, just duct-taped a homemade claw to his shoulder; uses it to hold smoking apparatuses.
I should mention, he also then tried to rob me. His attempt was thwarted however when mid-robbery he took a nap in my bed. Luckily for him, when I called the cops they said to just leave him, he’ll lose track of what he’s doing and wander off eventually.
When he woke up, he told a few more stories of why the cops don’t even bother coming out for calls about him. In one story, he stole a cop car but dropped it back at the police station. Then went inside and tried to haggle a price to buy the police station.
He was telling me this one time he threw a molotov cocktail at his own house, then used the fire to spark a doob made with homemade rolling papers. That’s the kind of dude I definitely wanna smoke with but never do anything else with, ever.
I mean, he’s clearly a nightmare of a human, but the stories were awesome. I could have listened to him recount those horror stories for hours.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.