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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Resourceful Jacksonville man Jason Marsden plans to elude police intervention by hiding cannabis products in the methamphetamine production facility in his bedroom.
“I was looking around and felt like my usual stashing locations were too exposed, like, the cops will definitely know to look in my underwear drawer and in this Royal Dansk tin,” Marsden began explaining while crossing out the label on a shoebox and writing Backup Weed in Sharpie. “These tempered beakers and mason jars are clearly labeled for meth use only, they’ll never think to check inside for the weed.”
When it was brought to his attention the jars in question are transparent he spun them around 180° and responded, “All better!”
The officer on duty performing the search of the premises, Michael Ryly, said he gets similar calls pretty regularly in his precinct.
“Honestly, as long as they aren’t setting off an explosion that’ll take down the whole block, I usually let them go about their business, why bother getting involved, right?” the officer stated while ‘accidentally dropping’ the pertinent paperwork in a shredder. “It’s just not worth the effort… I will of course ‘confiscate’ all product, weed and meth, obviously… then perform some extremely imperative police-related research on said product.”
To his credit, Marsden has said hiding his cannabis in the meth lab is an improvement as he used to hide it in an oregano shaker but would always forget which shaker was real oregano and which was “oregano.”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
