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TOLEDO, Ohio — Cannabis dealer Jason Hanner instantly regretted his decision yesterday to be “smoked up” by one of his customers after selling them product, noting that they are, in fact, “the worst.”
“It’s like Dealer Prima Nocta, standard and universally accepted: when you sell someone weed they have to invite you to smoke some with them. And I had some free time in the afternoon, so I invited my customer inside to sit down and try some,” Hanner said. “But then she got to talking about whether or not she would want to be ‘unplugged from the matrix’ and I was immediately like, ‘Oh, no… I’ve made a huge mistake.’ But she was in my apartment so I couldn’t really just leave.”
“People have this image of dealers making customers jump through all these social hoops to get their herb, but when the opposite happens and I just need to get my money, it’s way worse,” Hanner added. “I tried hinting she should leave — I even at one point outright said, ‘I think you should leave,’ but then she went off on a monologue about that sketch show ‘I Think You Should Leave.’ I was about ready to just leave my own place and let her live in my apartment from now on.”
When approached for comment, the customer in question asked, “Are you a cop? You know you have to tell me if you are,” before launching into an exhausting soliloquy about the state of law enforcement around the world.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
