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LOUISVILLE, Ky. — When Det. Carrie Banks of the Louisville Police Department set out last month to catch recreational cannabis consumers, she thought she was hot on the trail of a massive sting following a Craigslist ad posted by longtime suspected users looking for a new roommate.
But when the ad made no mention of “the weed,” “the marijuana,” or “the reefer,” police records show Banks’ leads all went up in smoke.
“The ad alluded to things like ‘early ‘30s artists,’ ‘don’t mind hanging but prefer no loud parties,’ ‘laid back,’ and ‘smoke but no cigs…’ and then whatever this ‘420 friendly’ means. I guess that means they like happy hour? Or have a weird obsession with Hitler’s birthday? In any event, no mention of the pot. Detective Banks, bested again,” she stated, dropping her head in her hands in disappointment.
Banks admitted she’s been tracking these particular users all around the city, presenting a map dotted and crossed with various photos, sketches, colored strings, and pushpins.
“This red one here was summer of 2018, when they went from Bonnycastle to Downtown, but spent a number of weekends in Denver. Then this blue one is 2019 when they hopped to Werne’s Row, although most of April that year was spent overseas in Amsterdam. Now this green one was the month they surfaced near the river before heading to Shawnee,” she continued, slugging the contents from one of dozens of half-empty styrofoam coffee cups. “Not my jurisdiction, but I had to keep tabs on them in case they came back… and sure enough, here they are, showing up in Park Hill in 2021 after a week in Los Angeles. Someday I’ll find the evidence I need and bust them!”
The alleged kingpin of the Banks’s recreational cartel is 35-year-old graphic designer and small-time landlord Michael Edmon.
“This cop showed up at an apartment showing once and started snooping around, asking weird questions about drugs. But I don’t do any, so it was pretty anticlimactic,” Edmon commented. “I smoke pot on occasion because I have some stomach issues, but I mostly put ‘420 friendly’ in the apartment ad to let people know I have no problem with it… Was she even really a cop?”
Edmon added that he is still waiting for police to release his personal canisters of dried basil and oregano, confiscated by Banks, as she put it, “Just in case.” Meanwhile, the Louisville PD will continue their department-wide campaign of “looking busy in case anyone follows up on anything we’ve done or not done in the last couple years or so.”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.