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SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Cannabis consumer and armchair environmentalist Andrew Connor has avoided taking part in the negatives of the greater cannabis industry by willfully remaining ignorant of them.

“I saw the headline on Twitter, ‘Why the Cannabis Industry Is Deceptively Not Eco-Friendly,’ and I simply didn’t click the link. Problem solved!” Connor said when asked how he managed to maintain so positive about the environmental effects of cannabis farming and distribution, while tossing his single use vape cartridge in a recycling bin he mistook for a trash can. “Weed is a plant, it’s natural — as far as I know it’s good for the environment. You know, carbon dioxide and chloroplast and what not.”

Fortunately for him, Connor’s legendary deflections of environmental awareness aren’t limited to the internet: when told how many kiloliters of water get wasted on cannabis farms, he simply replied, “I’m only familiar with the imperial measurement system,” while making a Keurig latte. “And yeah, distribution supposedly creates air pollution, but I breathe just fine with this air purifier. Got it on Amazon for like, $12.”

Connor was later seen opening his windows while leaving his air conditioning on, adding, “I need the air flow for when I smoke later, but it’s so hot I also need the AC. Classic catch-22. Easily solved.”

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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