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SPARTA, Tenn. — A dime bag of marijuana taken from a young teen couple at the Sonic Drive-In last night wasn’t even worth rolling into a joint and smoking, according to decidedly sober Sparta Police Sgt. Simon Frost. 

“It didn’t smell like much more than tea when I opened the bag, so I knew it was bunk right away,” Sgt. Frost told friends at the CH Donut Shop. “It tasted like burnt earth, made me cough like I lived at a speedway, and barely even reddened my eyes. This one’s on me — I shouldn’t have busted kids in a ‘98 Volkswagen Golf. They tell you the first week at the Academy to bust the rich kids to get the good shit.”

“I let the kids go, but obviously I had to put out an APB on them for wasting my time with this CBD bullshit,” Frost added. “Thankfully, they got caught again about 20 minutes later.”

The teen couple, minors and therefore unable to be identified, await their respective preliminary hearings while at a church-sponsored Chronic Conversion Center. 

Kyle Stanley will yoink that joint. @KGordonStanley on Twitter and Instagram

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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