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South Lake Tahoe, CA — Authorities are reporting that ‘Hank the Tank,’ the infamous 500-pound black bear known for burglarizing nearly 30 homes around Lake Tahoe for food, has finally bedded down for the winter after breaking into a local cannabis dispensary and eating all of the edibles.
California Department of Fish and Wildlife’s Amber McDermott, an agent who was assigned to monitor Hank as his escapades brought him in increasingly close contact with humans, confirmed to Oregano reporters this morning that Hank was found in a deep and peaceful slumber in the Green Dreamz dispensary parking lot.
“Look, we’re glad that his hunger-fueled rampage has come to an end but we need to be realistic about the situation,” McDermott said. “He’s going to have a serious case of the munchies when spring rolls in, and I predict that’s when shit’s really going to hit the fan.”
Stay tuned for more updates as we expect this to be a developing story.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.