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PHILADELPHIA — Unboxing videos, in which a new product is revealed and examined for an audience, have given rise to ever-greater amounts of consumer waste as companies vie for eye-popping, memorable packaging — already a major issue within a cannabis industry that tries to lay claim to “green” practices while offering a wide array of disposables.

But one Instagram influencer has gained notoriety for her “anti-unboxing” videos, in which she criticizes other influencers and brands for their packaging while performing her own version of unboxing. And she’s taking the cannabis world by storm.

In her latest post, Rebekah Sage addresses the problematic nature of discarded plastics by demonstrating what she believes to be a game-changing solution: putting her weed directly in her pockets. “It’s actually quite simple,” she claims in the video. “If you want to partake in conscientious weed consumption, skip the ziplock baggies and plastic canisters, and place your sticky-icky smooth inside the fabric receptacles that are already on your person,” dropping a fresh nugget of Lumpy Space Princess into the lint-riddled fabric corners of her upcycled fanny pack. 

While Sage admits that this practice does come with certain undesirable consequences, such as fuzz balls velcroed to the bud’s keef, she maintains that a lifestyle of sustainability will always be met with sacrifices. 

“Listen, if you truly want to enjoy your vices without the guilt of environmental repercussions, you must think outside the box… or cup, in my case,” she said, pulling a cough drop off of her bud. “For example, I know most people think they’re doing their part by bringing a reusable cup to their favorite café, but they don’t consider the waste of water and soap every time they use that cup. That’s why I personally sacrifice the interior of my lips and mouth, in the name of conservation, by extending my face beneath the self-serve spigot of scalding hot coffee at my local café. Sure, I suffer from blisters. But our ozone is blistering with indifference.”

Not everyone may agree with the “pour hot coffee directly in my mouth” extreme, but fellow influencers in cannabis are taking notice. “There really is just so much waste in the industry,” agreed YouTube personality DanDan the CannaMan. “The sooner dispensaries can set up real recycling for all of this packaging, the better we’ll all be.”

Sage has met with some backlash, however — primarily from those who see the gender imbalance in available pockets. “Until WOMEN have pockets on all of our garments, this advice is only applicable to MEN!,” wrote commenter @wingwalk24. “This idea might be good for the environment, in theory, but it is anti-feminist until women are outfitted with just as many pockets as men.” 

“Look, you’re not wrong,” said Sage. “Men get pockets added to every piece of clothing they own whether they need it or not, while as women we’re just expected to go buy another weed purse or something… which only adds to the issue of wasteful consumerism. Let me bring my weed jar in to be filled, like I used to when weed was illegal!”

For her next anti-unboxing video, Sage is allegedly planning to ditch the packaging on her pre-roll by sticking the joint directly in her mouth.

Ashley Ruark is a stand-up comedian, musician, and writer from Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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