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COLUMBUS, Ohio — Cannabis dealer Mike Channing, after starting a delivery cupcake store as a front for selling weed, accidentally found himself running the most lucrative and popular baked goods location in all of Ohio.
“The code was you order the green frosting and you get weed, but then literally no one ordered the green frosting,” Channing began explaining while installing an extra rack in the store’s oven so he can bake twice as much product at a time. “People kept ordering the real cupcakes, I kept expanding, and before I know it, Baked GoodGoods is a multi-location franchise that sells out all its inventory every day! I’m literally too busy to run the weed part of the business anymore!”
The New York Times featured an article about the store, commending its strategic location and savvy business model.
“Delivery baked goods just off the main shopping strip of the town? Genius! This is a small suburb, they totally needed that,” the column states. “A location out of the way enough as to not be bothered by the average layman, only those that know to look for it, plus it positions him in a good spot to do deliveries. 4-D chess master of the boutique cupcake industry… though not sure what’s up with that green frosting option, why is that even on the menu? No one ever orders it!”
Police eventually got word about the business being a front and raided the store.
“We got warrants and everything, but when we got inside and looked around there was no contraband anywhere. The sniffing dogs were found in the back with their faces buried in cupcakes,” a representative of the Columbus PD commented. “And we even asked about the green frosting but he said that’s been sold out for months already. As far as we can tell it’s just a really great bakery.”
Though someone recently tried to order the green frosting, it has been so long since Channing even stocked cannabis product, he unfortunately forgot his own code and has since introduced a new item that is actually just a cupcake with green frosting.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.