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PALO ALTO, Calif. — Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) announced today that the latest iteration of its popular Google Nest Mini will now feature the ability to remotely light your bong.
“This is an innovation that has been a long time coming, and we couldn’t be more excited for Nest Mini users to get to those bong rips even sooner,” said Gillian Haridon, Senior Vice President of Google Nest Product Development. “Google Nest Mini is already an amazing product with good design and even better sound quality that does an outstanding job of anticipating user needs, and now being able to ask Google to ‘fire up my bong’ from the car on your evening commute after a long day will make getting home even better.”
About the Product
The new Google Nest Mini with BongLight Technology™ joins the entire Nest family, and is committed to taking your home-assisted cannabis experience to the next level.
Featuring next-generation tech with simple, time-tested bong lighting ability all in a single device, the new Google Nest Mini comes at the same unbeatable price as the previous Mini. Its updated design fits with any motif in any space, with an included butane tank carefully integrated for a truly seamless look.
Three bright LED lights and an audible warning let anyone near know that the multidirectional torch is about to extend and begin the firing process, which continues lighting your pre-packed bowl every three minutes for up to two hours to ensure your bong is ready and well-lit whenever you walk in the door. Whether the bong is packed with premium cannabis from your favorite dispensary or medically prescribed from your local pharmacy, the new Google Nest Mini with BongLight Technology™ will make sure it’s torched.
The torch is IPX4-rated to withstand accidental bong water splashes, and retracts if it detects a pet that may be getting a little too curious. As with all Google Nest devices, lighting your bong can be programmed to repeat every day and at the same time if desired, and paired with your favorite music played through an industry-best bluetooth speaker.
The new Google Nest Mini with BongLight Technology™ will be available for pre-order starting today, and will start shipping later this summer.
Dedicated Nest users can request an invitation to a special Torched Bong subscription, a program which includes a first year of replacement butane tanks for free (up to three in a 12-month period).
Joe Rapp is an improviser, graphic designer and unknown local celebrity in Minneapolis, MN. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter @fakejoerapp
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.