Allentown, Penn. — A mammoth deposit of thousands of cannabis cigarette ends known as “roaches” were uncovered yesterday after warmer temperatures melted the snow drifts piled up in the parking lot of the local Allentown White Castle.

“I’ve learned a lot from making this historic discovery,” said Assistant Manager Mabel Enright, who first noticed the roaches when she snuck outside to avoid the 5 p.m. rush. “All of these customers came in smelling like skunks because they had just walked past all those drug things back there. It all makes sense now. I was worried this city had a serious wildlife problem, but now I’m even more worried that there’s a serious reefer addict not getting the help he needs.”

A representative from the Guinness Book of World Records was summoned to appraise the cavalcade of soggy, used joints — all of which had mysteriously disappeared by the time they arrived. 

Kyle Stanley will take 6 sliders to go. Twitter @KGordonStanley