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CHICAGO — 45-year-old Chicago resident Madeline Fisher railed yet again yesterday against mega corporation Walmart after receiving their flyer in the mail while smoking a pre-roll produced by cannabis conglomerate WeedCorp Holdings Inc., which she purchased at her neighborhood dispensary just minutes prior.
“I’ve been anti-corporations for over 20 years now,” she said as she inhaled a puff of the sativa-driven strain “Green Money” grown by what industry insiders have long called “the Walmart of Cannabis.” “These Gen-Z kids or whatever today don’t realize that all of these apps are controlling them in the same way that commercial television tried to control us, maybe even worse. Me, though? Just need a good local bud and my mind to entertain me.”
The joint from WeedCorp Holdings Inc., whose slogan is “Save Money, Smoke Better,” came from just one facility in their massive cannabis operation based in Massachusetts, with an operating budget of $224 million. One of the biggest cannabis suppliers in North America with a 7% growth index over the last three years, WeedCorp has put hundreds of small, local growers out of business already since legalization, and can outprice pretty much any other operation, with the exception of MeanGreenz Inc.
While the irony is certainly lost on Fisher, many close to her are not surprised by this level of blatant hypocrisy in her life. Reluctant friend Shelly Copperlin has seen Fisher live “in a world of contradictions and delusions” for over a decade now.
“Ten years ago she hated Facebook and told everyone she ‘refused to use it,’ but it turned out she had been on there and very active the whole time under a pseudonym called ‘Pure Truth,’” Copperlin said. “We actually all knew of this account because it friended everyone in our circle. We figured out pretty quickly it was her, though, because all the posts were exactly as annoying as she is.”
Finishing her joint and rant, Fisher spent the rest of her evening making Kraft Mac & Cheese while watching a documentary about the evils of corporate monopolies that was airing on Amazon Prime.
Jay Shingle is a comedy performer and musician from the Pacific Northwest, and he is the creator of @ordinarypeoplememes on Instagram
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.