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LAS VEGAS — More than a full day after the end of MJBizCon, visiting Chad Tanner LePresti IV is still looking for a valet to park his boat so he can go rub elbows with the cannabis industry’s movers and shakers.

“Ugh. Of course the conference is at the only hotel in Vegas without a drive-in pool,” LePresti said, switching out his brown saddle shoes for a lighter tone of brown after four days of searching for a yacht valet “who doesn’t have an attitude.” “I told Mom I needed the helicopter, but my stupid sister took it to go dress shopping or to watch the wildfires up north or something. At least I’ve got a couple offices in this baby to hold meetings with investors… and plenty of bubbly for a wet T-shirt contest. That’s how you make money in cannabis.”

Upon finding out that MJBizCon ended Friday, LePresti bit the bullet and turned his yacht around, deciding to just ask his dad to fund his cannacrypto venture after all.

This article is from a real reporter who was really at MJBizCon. Really.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.