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CORAL GABLES, FL — Dispensary Green New Dealer has begun marketing edibles to older generations by infusing cannabis into Werther’s Originals.
“Old people love their caramel candies. It’s so obvious I’m almost embarrassed I hadn’t thought of it before!” said the proprietor of Green New Dealer, Dale Mondale. “Now grandma can keep weed edibles in her purse all day for whenever the mood strikes her or one of her grandchildren.”
As marketing turns towards older crowds, AARP has begun taking an interest.
“We’ve partnered with GND to offer discounts on the cannabis edibles to our subscribers,” commented AARP head Jo Ann Jenkins. “We take care of our olds. If they want weed, we will find an affordable and efficient way of getting it to them!”
Loyal customer Barbara Tull has said she is glad someone finally stepped up and made Werther Originals edibles.
“Cannabis helps with my arthritis, my stomach issues, my glaucoma, my sleeping issues, my stress, my arthritis, my skin issues, my cataracts, my arthritis, and this general all-over constant ache I have,” Tull added while searching her purse for a Werther’s Original edible to give to the interviewer and their crew despite all of them having declined the offer. “Sometimes it affects my memory a little, but nothing too bad. And it’s worth it. The only problem is I can never find anything in this purse!”
When Tull failed to locate the loose, unwrapped Werther’s edible at the bottom of her purse, she instead cooked the interviewing crew nine weeks’ worth of food for lunch.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.