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SAN FRANCISCO — Cannabis company Sacrifice Blunt endured a brutal IPO yesterday with shares dropping nearly $30 apiece by market close, all because the company chose a ticker name that didn’t have a silly pun about weed or any reference to marijuana at all. 

“They screwed this up royally. The better choices are endless: HIGH. BONG. GREEN,” said Jim Cramer of CNBC’s “Mad Money” of the once-rising star of the cannabis industry. “I would’ve picked GDSHIT, if stock tickers are allowed to swear. I’ll need to look that up.”

Reports show former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan was livid. “LEAF, DMBAG, REDI… I could do this all day. Are you kidding me with picking “SB?” tweeted the 95-year-old, who allegedly opened a Twitter account simply to rip Sacrifice Blunt. “This is some Washington Generals playing against the Harlem Globetrotters type of nonsense. Enjoy bankruptcy, you morons.”

Michael Tannenbaum is a writer and actor. You can find him on Twitter: @iamTannenbaum

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

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