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FRANKLIN, Mich. — Cannabis lifestyle company GreenLife, having been banned from every other social media platform on which they’ve attempted to market, has instead rolled out an ad campaign on the notorious adults-only platform OnlyFans.
“I don’t know that we’ll actually get business through it, since people go to OnlyFans for a very specific reason that generally isn’t weed… but what else are we supposed to do? We gotta try something, right?” said GreenLife CEO Mark Genero. “Like Wayne Gretzky says, ‘You miss 100% of the weed marketing strategies you don’t implement.’”
For their part, OnlyFans is welcoming the influx of cannabis businesses with open arms. “We tried earlier this year to distance ourselves from the adult content and the entire world collectively revolted, so as long as we’re in that realm already, let’s lean in and also help sell weed,” OnlyFans founder Tim Stokely said, shrugging his shoulders and throwing his hands in the air. “I’m fine with it — it’s another industry people have a weird condescension to that deserves better, so sure, why not?”
While it seemed like an almost arbitrary “last resort” type move to reach potential customers, the marketing pivot is projected to actually serve GreenLife well.
“They already sponsor me and most of my friends’ pages, so it kinda makes sense,” said OnlyFans content creator @FitnessSamusXO. “It’s convenient: I can link right to their page, I can make content for their OnlyFans… there’s all kinds of new opportunities for the community now.”
“Why aren’t more weed companies working with OnlyFans?” agreed fellow content creator @SlopPlopSteve. “At first blush, it may not make sense, but it’s actually perfect — turns out people who like to get off also like to smoke weed sometimes!”
Though sales skyrocketed from the new marketing campaign, GreenLife has admittedly struggled with fans flooding their DMs with unsolicited photos of people vaping their product.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.