Budtender Assaulted by Grandma After Recommending ‘White Widow’

In Denver yesterday, a budtender was hospitalized after he was assaulted by an octogenarian who was planning a privately organized cannabis-infused dinner. The dinner was to be hosted by Seven Points Chapel, a pro-cannabis Christian church.

84-year-old Gladys Knickerbocker was apprehended by Denver Police at the dispensary where the budtender was working. During her arrest, police allege that she claimed innocence while also arguing that the budtender “had it coming.” Due to the extensive nature of the victim’s injuries, Oregano will not be disclosing his identity or the name of the dispensary where he worked.

76-year-old church patron Esther Rose, who was accompanying Ms. Knickerbocker, described the altercation to Oregano reporters, stating, “The poor boy was just trying to let Gladys know which herb to smoke with her meatloaf, but her hearing ain’t so good. When he said ‘White Widow’ she lost her top and walloped him.”

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Yes, this article is a joke. You know what’s not a joke?

  • 44,000 Americans are still in prison for nonviolent cannabis offenses.
  • Many of them are elderly or have underlying conditions that make them especially vulnerable to Covid-19.
  • Experts warn that our overcrowded prisons will accelerate the spread of the virus.
  • Some jurisdictions are already releasing people, but more action is needed and time is running out.

If the government does not step in to reduce the prison populations immediately, the virus will spread and people will die.

Please sign the petition to tell the federal government that NOW is the time to reduce prison populations:

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